Facing the Enemy

I thought I would prepare to get my body healthy by purchasing a new scale. Geesh! What happened to the "step on the platform, see how much you weigh" variety? This one is computerized and measures things I really don't want measured. It took me three tries just to get my weight in pounds (also tabulated in stones, which is always useful).

I now know my weight, body fat, water, fat, muscle and bone ratios. Way more than I needed to know. The scale also came with a book explaining where I should fall in these ratios. I was shocked! I knew my weight was spiraling out of control (damn menopause) but I couldn't believe my body fat was actually listed in the normal range. Water and muscle were fine, but the bone mass was low. That's no state secret. It's a fact that diet soda contributes to osteoporosis and I drink enough of it to float a battleship. Muscle mass was a little low, but nothing I can't change.

Hmmm.....not what I was expecting. If I"m so "normal" them why do I have rolls and rolls and rolls? Why do I feel so large?  Guess I need to do more research. Now that I have my baseline, I guess I actually have to do something with this information. Crap. Now the hard part begins.

Ancient History

I've been an overachiever as long as I can remember. Bossy, opinionated, driven, successful - a true oldest child. I took a diploma from a small town high school and went away to college, scholarship money in my bank account. The next four years were more of the same...study, get good grades, work part-time and do internships for experience. No spring break or summer vacation for me. Work and achieve was the only thing I knew.

A college internship led to a good starting salary at my first job. Mistake #1 - I took a job I didn't like because it fit my budget. I had an apartment and a car payment. Frequent raises and promotions brought the salary so high that I couldn't make that money anywhere else. It became very difficult to leave. Still, I hoped for a job that I enjoyed going to everyday. I wish my older self could go back and give the younger me some advice - do what you love.

Fast forward five years and I was still in the same industry - still making great money and still not liking my job. A wedding and a surprise medical diagnosis had hubby and I trying to start a family right away. After a few failed attempts and five more years, we decided to adopt.

The decision to become a stay at home mom was easy. Both hubby and I treated it as a career choice. I was a Mom the same way I was an employee. Work and achieve, I knew no other way. I became the Cub Scout leader, the Sunday School teacher, the always there school volunteer. With laser focus, I set out to be Supermom. I cooked, decorated, gardened and carpooled. My biggest fault - I hate to clean!

It was so freeing to be a Mom and I've loved every minute (well, not EVERY minute). It's the hardest job I've ever had, and the most rewarding. I loved not going to an office, loved being home with my kids and loved being in the company of other moms. I was also happy to leave behind a career that I didn't love.

Now we've come full circle. The two teenagers in my house will be moving on to their own messy homes soon. What in the world will I do?

Here's the plan. Using my laser focus, I'm going to find out where my passion truly lies. I want my second career to reflect who I am. I want to enjoy getting up and going to a job or volunteer position. Along, the way, I'm also going to try to get healthy in both body and mind.

I hope you'll read along as I start my journey.

Identity Crisis

"It's never too late to be who you might have been"

-George Eliot

I've never been able to keep a journal. It's something I've always wanted to do, but the idea of a journal is immensely more satisfying than finding the time and words necessary to create one!

Yet, here I go again. Three events this month have me feeling anxious and melancholy. On July 1st, I turned 48. Not a milestone birthday, but the first time adding another year has bothered me. Is it because 50 is fast approaching? Half of my life is over - what do I have to show for it?

Event #2 - we went to the beach for my birthday week. With our busy schedules, it's rare for us to have a full week together. Sitting across the dinner table from the kids, I realized that Brady would be 17 next month. The realization hit me like a knockout punch to the heart.

Finally, that same week, my high school class held its 30 year class reunion, which I missed. Not on purpose - or was it? "We decided to stay at the beach another day", was the official reason I didn't go. Unofficially, what did I have to show for all the promise I had in high school? I'm an overweight Mom with no career.

Things are changing so fast! After years of the stay at home mom routine, I am seeing a new reality. Hubby and I are getting older, the kids are growing more independent and I'm terrified. What comes next? Who am I going to be? Where is the person who used to be inside?

Stay tuned.....