Identity Crisis

"It's never too late to be who you might have been"

-George Eliot

I've never been able to keep a journal. It's something I've always wanted to do, but the idea of a journal is immensely more satisfying than finding the time and words necessary to create one!

Yet, here I go again. Three events this month have me feeling anxious and melancholy. On July 1st, I turned 48. Not a milestone birthday, but the first time adding another year has bothered me. Is it because 50 is fast approaching? Half of my life is over - what do I have to show for it?

Event #2 - we went to the beach for my birthday week. With our busy schedules, it's rare for us to have a full week together. Sitting across the dinner table from the kids, I realized that Brady would be 17 next month. The realization hit me like a knockout punch to the heart.

Finally, that same week, my high school class held its 30 year class reunion, which I missed. Not on purpose - or was it? "We decided to stay at the beach another day", was the official reason I didn't go. Unofficially, what did I have to show for all the promise I had in high school? I'm an overweight Mom with no career.

Things are changing so fast! After years of the stay at home mom routine, I am seeing a new reality. Hubby and I are getting older, the kids are growing more independent and I'm terrified. What comes next? Who am I going to be? Where is the person who used to be inside?

Stay tuned.....